Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
