highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
