why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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