the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
