Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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