Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
