Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
