can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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