Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
