your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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