Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
