and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
