I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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