So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize