Life is so much better after having sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
