The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
