Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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