got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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