He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
