my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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