so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
