Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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