Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
