this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
