I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
