Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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