YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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