i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
