You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
