To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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