Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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