He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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