i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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