i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
