his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
