this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
