4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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