Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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