Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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