Porn is love you can see.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
