I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still have a little drunk in my system
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
