What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
