My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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