he shaved USA in his pubs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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