the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
