That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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