If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
