I bet he comes in French.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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