we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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