Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize