she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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