She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
