I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
