Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
