Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
