mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
one two three fourrrrnication!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
