Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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