Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
