he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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