Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
