The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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