quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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