I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
soo... how was my night?
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