The beer is more important than you right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
