BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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