if you like me you must not know who I am
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
