I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
